Separateness

As the seasons change and we move to Advent, I'm thinking more about my role as a mother in this complex, noisy world. More than ever I am in awe of the passage of time and the importance of staying in "the moment," rather than bemoaning the past or fixating on the future.

Anne and her daughters

My husband and I have three children. At the ages of 13, 11, and 7, they are developing their own minds, bodies, and beliefs. Our guardianship is only temporary. Often, so often, I get lost in the maze of family, work, and school tasks and forget that one of my important callings is supporting my children as valued, special people. As the writer Toni Morrison says, "Children really want to know...do your eyes light up when they walk in the room?" Too many times, I bark an order rather than take the opportunity to make a connection.

I'm working to surrender and get quiet more, so that I can hear God. I'm beginning to understand that I must be gentle with myself to be a good mother. I'm focusing on enjoying them, engaging with them as they create their own path.

My favorite poem about parenthood is from Kahlil Gibran:

Love Is Separateness

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you or cannot visit, not even in your dreams.  

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bow from which your children are living arrows sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrow may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He love the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

This Advent season, I pray that I will be a beacon of calm and bright for myself, my children, and others - accepting my flaws and life's uncertainty, so that I slow down and live with God each day. Peace to all. 

Anne Budde is a learner, wife, mother.

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